If youre thin, dont eat fast. If youre fat, dont eat – FAST.

Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.
The toughest part of a diet isnt watching what you eat. Its watching what other people eat.
Diets are for women who not only kept their girlish figure but doubled it.
A diet is when you have to go to some length to change your width.
The best way to lose weight is by skipping … skipping snacks … skipping desserts.
Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two … alone.
People go to Weight Watchers to learn their lessens.
The biggest drawback to fasting for seven days is that it makes one weak.
Sweets are the destiny that shape our ends.
A diet is what you go on when not only cant you fit into the stores dresses, you cant fit into the dressing room.
A diet is the modern-day meal in which a family counts its calories instead of its blessings.
For some, dieting is a weigh of life.
On a diet? Go to the paint store. You can get thinner there.
Its not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, its the seconds.
Its something most of us do religiously: We eat what we want and pray we dont gain weight.
The problem with curbing our appetites is that most of us do it at the drive in window of McDonalds.
The most fattening thing you can put in an ice cream sundae is a spoon.
One guideline applies to fat and thin people alike: If youre thin, dont eat fast. If youre fat, dont eat – FAST.

A blonde joke….

A blind merman swims into a bar and orders a glass of clam juice, when the bar tender returns the blind merman asks if he would like to hear a blond joke?

The bar tender leans over the bar and says, “Before you do I must warn you! Over there at the end of the bar is king Neptunes ex-captain of the guards who was fired today, he is blonde. At the other end of the bar is a professional hitshark, he is blonde. My 480 lb door man is in a bad mood because a blind shark ate his wife 3 days ago, she was blonde. I lost my scalp to a sword fish 3 weeks ago, I was also blonde”.
He than asks the blind merman if he still wanted to tell his joke.
The blind merman feels his watch while he is in thought, he then replies, “Id like to share a joke with you guys, but unfortunately I have to leave here in 3 hours and dont have the time to explain it you all you blondes.”