The job

A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, “What is two and two?”The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was “Twenty-two.”The second was a social worker. She said, “I don’t know the answer but I’m glad we had time to discuss this important question.”The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four.The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, “How much is two and two?”The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, “How much do you want it to be?”He got the job.

If youre thin, dont eat fast. If youre fat, dont eat – FAST.

Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.
The toughest part of a diet isnt watching what you eat. Its watching what other people eat.
Diets are for women who not only kept their girlish figure but doubled it.
A diet is when you have to go to some length to change your width.
The best way to lose weight is by skipping … skipping snacks … skipping desserts.
Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two … alone.
People go to Weight Watchers to learn their lessens.
The biggest drawback to fasting for seven days is that it makes one weak.
Sweets are the destiny that shape our ends.
A diet is what you go on when not only cant you fit into the stores dresses, you cant fit into the dressing room.
A diet is the modern-day meal in which a family counts its calories instead of its blessings.
For some, dieting is a weigh of life.
On a diet? Go to the paint store. You can get thinner there.
Its not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, its the seconds.
Its something most of us do religiously: We eat what we want and pray we dont gain weight.
The problem with curbing our appetites is that most of us do it at the drive in window of McDonalds.
The most fattening thing you can put in an ice cream sundae is a spoon.
One guideline applies to fat and thin people alike: If youre thin, dont eat fast. If youre fat, dont eat – FAST.